Many days, I wake up in the morning ready to take on my day with complete joy and excitement.
Then, comes my toddler quickly reminding me of the busyness that lies ahead. As a self-diagnosed type 1 enneagram, I’m a big stickler for planning and having things go exactly as planned. I usually already have my day mapped out before it even begins.
As I look into my toddler and 3 month olds faces every morning, I can’t help but smile at the thought that God has brought them into my life to remind me to breathe a little and enjoy the flows of life.
Just the other day, the sun shone into my bedroom window and I rolled out of bed. With every intention to have a good day, I hung my feet off my bed and carried on with my normal morning routines.
Not even an hour into waking up, my really rambunctious and full of energy toddler immediately began throwing a tantrum. Not only did I have my toddler in one ear, but my 3 month old ( who adores food with his every being, God bless his soul) began screaming at the top of his lungs not even 45 minutes after having just had a full bottle.
I tried to take in a deep breath but the control freak in me already knew this day was only heading into a fast spiral and one I could not (oh the irony) control.
I immediately lost my temper and began yelling at my toddler to stop with the tantrum and find a game to play with. As I scrambled to make more milk for my other child, I could feel tears of defeat and frustration build up in my eyes.
Suddenly, my whole body was filled with feelings of resentment. Resentment toward my husband that he got to go out into the outside world every day and receive human interaction, resentment toward myself for thinking this SAHM life would be just the best life ever, and resentment toward my toddler who seemed to always resort to tantrums as a means to get his way.
I just knew I needed a breather, but where could I run to that my toddler wouldn’t find me?
Without even knowing what I was doing, I kneeled down at my Toddler’s level and gave him a hug. I began to talk softly to him reminding him that yelling is not a way to get himself heard.
Suddenly, all the feelings in me began to subside. Something as simple as the hug between my toddler and I was enough to drown away all feelings of frustration and at that moment I realized all I needed was just a moment. A moment to just feel and be and just stand still as a wave of calm washed over my body and reassured me that I’ve got this mommyhood thing!